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I watched the Malay movie entitled "Rock". It was not that funny but for a 80s and 90s burnout, watching and hearing music from those times is really a trip to memory lane for me. I was not into this rock music and culture. I just like music that’s all. Of course the added sentimental value with the music of those times really mean something to me.

Oh, please keep an open mind while watching the movie. Yeah I know a ‘rocker’ of this forgetten era do wear kinda funny and to the people of this generation, ya might think they were gay or into crossdressing and stuff like that. Fret not, that is just their style. Just like Aerosmith and GNR. The movie has also some values thrown into it.

It is a down-to-earth and more truthful to the reality of life unlike today’s out-of-this-world-love-of-the-century movies (pity Datuk Yusof Haslam has fallen to the commercial dark side of the movie force). There is nothing wrong to dream high and reach the sky. However, you can only jump up so high. The rest of the time, you are ever grounded and bound to the earth until released by death.

Thus I think some of you may find the very simple yet thought provoking line of story which was carefully laid out by the director, bear some similarities with your life. Simply put here are the geist of the story :-

1. You are young. 2. You have high hopes and dreams. 3. You have support from your friends (but not from your family). 4. You are limited only by money but not ideas, motivation, creativity and talent. 5. You tried all your best to achieve what you dream. 6. You failed miserably. 7. You settled for something an ordinary Joe would do. 8. Your failure was without a stunning lost. 9. However, at the end, you simply accept the fate that it was not meant for you to live that path of life. 10. Life goes on…

Anyway, I would rated Rock as a must see for the late 80s generation. For today’s youngster, it’s going to be a trip to a museum for y’all (and depending how you feel about a museum, you might find it boring or just a trip to a graveyard). Anyway here is the synopsis of the movie (http://www.gbsb.com.my/rock.html):-

ROCK!

ROCK mengisahkan tentang sekumpulan anak-anak muda dalam sebuah band rock yang pernah memasang impian untuk jadi terkenal pada dekad 80-an. Watak utamanya ialah Zubir, atau lebih diminta dikenali sebagai Zack - guitarist (Hasnul Rahmat), Jijo – bass (Khir Rahman), Black – drummer (Azmi Bahrom), Amy - vocalist kadang2 main tamborine (Que Haidar) dan Zul Kapan – vocalists 2 (Sofi Jikan), mengharungi pelbagai peristiwa yang mencabar dan penuh lucu demi mengejar cita-cita mereka iaitu mereka percaya akan berjaya menjadi kumpulan rock (Rimba Bara) yang mantap dan berwawasan. Wawasan mereka semakin tidak dapat dibendung lagi apabila mengetahui bahawa acara Battle of The Bands akan diadakan ditempat mereka.

Untuk menyertai acara Battle Of The Bands itu mereka terpaksa mengharungi peringkat saringan yang menyaksikan beberapa kehadiran band-band yang lebih mahir dan matang. Di tambah pula dengan kehadiran Zul Kapan And The Malaikat Maut, membuatkan mereka gusar dan harus berlatih dengan lebih keras. Dari segi penampilan pula, mereka terpaksa mencari punca untuk mempamerkan diri mereka sebagai rockers yang sebenar-benarnya. Seluar PVC, baju glamrock dan kasut Aliph merupakan gear yang begitu sangat dititikberatkan. Memandangkan sumber kewangan yang serba tidak mencukupi, mereka terpaksa menggunakan akal untuk mendapatkan semuanya itu termasuklah menggunting kain seat bas untuk mendapatkan bekalan PVC yang mencukupi.

Sementara itu juga Zack mengalami dilemma dimana ayahnya mengkehendakinya menghadiri temuduga untuk bekerja di pejabat pos memandangkan sudah begitu lama Zack menganggur.

Walaupun ilmu kurang tetapi semangat membara. Perjuangan tetap diteruskan jua dan acara saringan peringkat daerah diadakan. Kesemua band yang bertanding menunjukkan mutu permainan yang bagus. Begitu juga dengan kumpulan Malaikat Maut! Apabila giliran Rimba Bara tiba, penonton dikejutkan dengan persembahan melakukan gitar solo sehingga berasap-asap dan speaker column dikiri kanan pentas telah meletup! Rimba Bara berjaya menjadi juara peringkat daerah!

Saringan peringkat negeri tiba! Begitu ramai band rock yang muncul untuk merebut gelaran juara bagi melayakkan diri ke Battle Of The Bands dan membuat album. Segala band dari pelusuk daerah muncul. Keadaan gamat dengan suasana rock ditambah pula dengan kehadiran Ramli Sarip, Amy Search, Man Kidal dan Ali Bakar sebagai para hakim pertandingan itu.

Kumpulan demi kumpulan membuat persembahan. Ada yang berguling dan ada yang melompat macam cipan demi membuktikan mereka adalah kumpulan rock yang terbaik. Ada juga yang telah patah tangan dan dikejarkan ke hospital kerana tangan terpukul besi drum.

Sama-sama kita saksikan apa keputusan Zack dan kemana arah Rimba Bara, The Malaikat Maut, The Headstone dan sebagainya.

Pelakon:

Hasnol Rahmat – Zack
Siti Elizad – Kathy
Que Haidar – Amy
Sofi Jikan – Zul Kapan
Nabila Huda – Nurfarazana
Kamarol Yusuf – Man MC
Norazmi Bahron – Black
Khair Rahman – Jijo
Julie Dahlan – Emak Kathy
Farah Man Kidal – Foxy Ladies 2
Hani Hermi – Foxy Ladies 3
Nadia Mustafar – Foxy Ladies 4
Jaafar Onn – Pak Syed
Rosminah Sidek (Mak Mah) – Orang Gaji

p/s - after watching the movie, I scrambled to my pc and started playing the music from the 80s and 90s… oh boy it surely was a blast from the past for me! In another 20 years time, you kids of the indon music eras will understand what it is like to be a burnout of yesteryears!

You know something, there is a free show playing endlessly with enough variety to last for an eternity. It is incredibly beautiful, breathtaking, it doesn’t cost you a dime, you won’t get bored easily (I’m not sure of today’s playstation’s generation though) and it really gives you a sense of serenity and peace in today’s hectic and almost pandemonium lifestyle. The show’s called CLOUDS.

An endless stream of shape-shifting, cotton-candy, slow-moving, repose-inducing white stuff that really strikes a balance between the refreshing and almost striking blue background of the sky and the lash of rays from the faithful sun. It so soothing to ponder and wonder God’s simple gift to mankind. It’s simplicity on the naked eye betrayed one’s naivety to God’ intricate creations.

Why, it is simply a mystery on how such fluffy white stuff which in essence is just mere water vapour can even hold on its own whilst carrying a vast amount of moisture? These soft pillows of the sky when it is leaden black with water can flood Kuala Lumpur in a matter of an hour or so. Or in its better days just shade the tireless farmers tending their crops. Indeed, clouds are the paintings; work of art; timeless sculptures of life on earth on the vast bluish canvas.

My favourite website on clouds is CLOUDMAN. The author took great pains to put a great repository of information on clouds. From the mundane discussion of the types of clouds to great snapshots of various shapes and sizes of clouds. He included some nifty downloads such as a screensaver as well as royalty free photos for yours to keep and marvel. ALL the pictures here are courtesy of CLOUDMAN. 

One thing for sure about clouds is, they must have witnessed billions of human dramas from the humble and domestic level to those of epic proportions. Wars, famine, love, hurt, success and more; clouds are silent witnesses and the testament of time has surely passed by mankind.

My favourite picture is when you photographed a house, or a electric pole or a building even, against a background of white clouds. Alternatively, a yellow-orangish backdrop of clouds whilst the sun lazily wakes up from its slumber at dawn or as the sun calls it a day at dusk are truly excellent moments in my life.

I remembered once when I read one of Fujiko F. Fujiro’s Doraemon, he wrote a great poem concerning clouds. I can’t remember of the exact wordings but I guess I’ll try to improvise and attempt to capture the gist of his original poem. And since it was a Malay translation, I guess I try to do the same (I once quoted that poem while I was the editor-in-chief of IIUM’s Law Society 1998/99 Magazine):

Aku merenung di kala subuh hari

Waktu matahari mengibarkan cahaya keemasan

Menyuluh ke seluruh alam

Laksana mengejutkan isi alam yang terlena

Air mata di kelopak ini masih bergenang

Peristiwa semalam tak usah dikenang

Apakan daya puncak yang dicita

Kegagalan pula yang menyinggah tiba

Awan-awan berarak setia

Ke destinasi entahkan ke mana

Membawa pergi kekalahan semalam

Menghilangkan resah mengubat kedukaan

Oh awan! Kau sampaikanlah berita

Kepada si dia di lereng bukit nun di sana

Biar pun usia dan rupa berubah

Hati ini berdiri teguh dengan janji bahagia silam

Di waktu kau dan aku mencari-cari

Sebuah erti kehidupan

Lalu yang bernama cinta menusuk kalbu

Menyinari segenap jiwa mewarnai hidup ini

Oh awan! Kau hentikanlah tangisannya

Tiada gunanya lara bercambah

Sedangkan kehidupannya sudah bertapak

Biar diri ini sahaja yang merana

Oh awan! Kau bawalah kepadaku khabar gembira

Dari pelusuk dunia yang tinggi dan rendah

Kegembiraan makhluk yang bernyawa

Agar terukir semula senyuman di bibir.

These past few days, my brain was and as a matter of a fact IS still working its fullest (you can actually see the greenish veins on my forehead). You see, I just realized that I am no good at making decisions. I usually end up making and taking the worst ones. I don’t know man, I ponder this and that. I asked decision making gurus, young and old. It seems that bad decision and I are meant to be together. Damn, if I can see the future.

Again, as I lament these thoughts, my realplayer has the knack of playing the right songs at the right moment. Although gone are the cool sounds from the Dell speakers, these Chinese made replacements still blare out passable music. Anyway, as I type, Kelly Clarkson sang Behind These Hazle Eyes. She sang these catchy phrases:-

“Here I am, once again
I’m torn into pieces
Can’t deny it, can’t pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won’t get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes”

Let’s face it, firstly I suck at making decisions and secondly (hence and therefore) I hate making decisions, particularly the bad ones. But what to do? Making decisions is part of life I guess. Whether big or small, you make decisions almost every single minute. What to do today; what to eat; when to sleep; etc etc etc.

Sometimes I wish that somebody can tell me the right thing to do. It is usually easier for us to tell someone else how to run his/her life. But when it comes to yourself, I bet it aint that bloody easy huh? So relating this to my current happenings, I may have or may have not make a bad decision (see, I can’t even decide whether something is good or bad!). The saying comes to life; “it is always greener on the other side and never this side”.

Anyway, I pray to Allah that He will guide me always for the best in this ephemeral world and the everlasting hereafter.

Next issue is regarding the gregarious nature of mankind, in particular yours truly. You see I don’t really enjoy the company of people. Just give me an internet connected PC, a steady supply of comic books, some MP3s and probably (optionally more like it) an Astro subscription, I would be very much happy indeed.

However, as you guys know already, since I left UIAM, I just realized I missed the hustle and bustle of student organizing their activities. Yes, there is no substitution of a deserted and quiet office but equally important is the knowledge that you have the choice of finding some kind of happening nearby especially on campus. Gee I never thought of it but I am actually experiencing loneliness. This never happened to me before even when I spent all by myself in the office on the 3rd of Hari Raya Aidilfitri.

I am therefore, hopelessly belong to the majority of humans who are at heart, soul and in nature, gregarious animals who prefer to live together and near. I was hoping I was one of those nearly extinct species of mankind that rarely need contact with people. Yessiree, I am no Robinson Crusoe… boo hoo hoo… L

And the last arising issue in my life is regarding the future (which is inter-related with my bad decision making abilities). I am praying that the future will be once again be merry and bathed in sunshine as opposed to the monsoon and rainy spells in my current state of affairs. This only happened once in 1994 when I caught the dreaded puppy love during my Form 4.

To tell you the truth, I never got over her but that’s not the issue now. Right now, I am a living carnage of emotional disaster; the equivalent of a tsunami. I can’t concentrate nowadays on building a future. I am pitifully trapped in the past. I scorn and shun away from moving forward. I love the safety of my comfort zone. These and more are what I am feeling after I left UIAM.

Tried as I may, I couldn’t forget it and as pathetic as it is, I admit these are my weakness. I mean it was neither the best of place nor a caring one but somehow or other it is rather special and unique. Right now, I can’t carry out my various projects and undertakings because of this. It is one of those days when you really don’t want to get out of the bed. You may have left the house, but your heart and soul is essentially not with you.

I don’t know what to do. My heart lets out a plea to the Almighty Creator;

“Oh Allah, Thou art knoweth best of the past, present and future. I beseech Thee for Thine help in my hour of need. Without Thee, I am but a lost sheep from its herd destined to fail. Help me Oh Allah!”

Could it be destiny that somehow or other, I may be back again in UIAM or may be NOT? Shall we wait and see?

As I post this, I hear the Chinese speakers barely churning out the song Untitled by Simple Plan, my wax infested ears picked up the following lyrics (coincidence or what?):-

"Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again"

You know when you’re down and under, suddenly you discover a poet inside of you yearning to give his two cents worth of what is happening around you. Well, I quickly get to a computer and typed what is usually a seasonal inspiration I get every now and then.

I used to submit these ramblings to a poetry website for the Malay version and for the English ones, I usually chuck it around at some poor bloke’s forum hehehe. Oh, this time around the poet seems to be a Malay (the English poet must be out of ideas I guess). So here you are:-

Kesusahan dalam hidup ini
Membuatkan kita sedari
Akan kekerdilan kudrat dan diri
Berbanding ketentuan Illahi

Lantas bangkit rasa insaf
Lahir dari penat jerih dan susah payah
Menempuh dugaan dan cabaran
Yang datang tak berundang

Namun semua itu sekejap sahaja
Tiada berakar umbi sesalan yang menyapa
Hanya mengerutkan dahi atau mengurut dada
Kerana kita mudah lupa dan alpa

Hari-hari yang telah pergi
Pernahkah ia kembali?
Sedangkan sesaat yang berlalu tadi
Sudah meninggalkan kita jauh sekali

Bak kata sang penyair
Lantangnya bunyi dari tv
Sambil menjilat jari; sedapnya ayam kentaki
Dan aku mahu hidup begini seribu tahun lagi

Tuhan yang Maha Esa
Kau pimpimlah aku ke syurga
Takut-takut aku terpesong dengan dunia
Apabila saat aku kembali tiba!

Hello again,

You know, sometimes somethings are meant to grow when you are away from it. Just like my friendship with some of my pals back in UIAM, when I was working there, although we were good friends but work usually gets in the way. Anyway, you are paid to put your work first, so it’s normal I guess.

Such a friendship is with Br. Abu Emran @ A. Hishamudin bin Abu Bakar. He is currently a network engineer (great stuff there!) with UIAM. Here are several links about him:-

• UIAM :- http://www.iiu.edu.my/itd/itd_staffdetail.shtml?id=004&stid=3561
• His Blog :- http://staff.iiu.edu.my/aeab/wordpress/
• His Friendster Account :-http://www.friendster.com/user.php?uid=24350903

I always refer and call him Abg Aboo. I got to know this rather shy and quiet fellow (however when he is online, he can be very witty) through another good UIAM employee, Br. Suhaimi http://abuashraf.blogspot.com/. Br. Suhaimi is by the way, Abg Aboo’s many close friends. I didnt actually expect such a tribute for yours truly from anybody, much more from Abg Aboo. That actually meant a lot to me. Of course the kind words helped to arouse that feeling but you get what I mean.

He actually tried to help me to be posted at the residential unit at UIAM (Mahallah Bilal) since the post of Assistant Manager there was left vacant. He went on to lobby all the fellows over there as well as the Principal who in fact agreed. But I had to decline since I was still employed part time at S-DEV. You see, Abg Aboo is a sort of person you can count to take things seriously especially as regards to his work.

He is a good employee nevertheless he is not the ’skematon’ type (i.e. a person who do things by the book ALWAYS). Dont get me wrong, sometimes in UIAM to get things moving along, you have to sometimes try different and unorthodox methods which is in the worst case scenario resides in the grey areas of procedures. But the keywords are firstly it is LEGAL and secondly it WORKS. Thank God for brains or otherwise UIAM might as well be a relic of another forgotten dimension.

So you can depend on Abg Aboo to devise and find such mechanism to get things chugging happily in UIAM land. An example is maybe regarding the usage of Yahoo! Messenger in UIAM. What about it? Oh, that would be telling! He is also a colourful character online as I said before and really gives some life to the rather dull and bleak working environment in certain departments in UIAM.

And not to mention he is really good in what he do. He is (or was?) responsible for the network in UIAM and that is a major headache if you dont know what you’re doing. He managed to setup a private network from his home to UIAM. He is also alerted if the network is down through an SMS system he configured. And UIAM land is kept safe from hacking attempts by him. However, he’s current job responsibility could be different after some reshuffle a year back or so.

Well Abg Aboo, thank you so much for your thoughts. I value our friendship forever. May Allah bless us all in this life and the hereafter.

It has been 10 years since IIUM and I met. It has been a love and hate as well as bitter sweet affair. After completing my studies there, I was given the chance to serve the university as a part time employee. Our trademark relationship since my student days continued. I worked for the first 2 years at the residential hostel (Mahallah As-Siddiq) before working for a year and change at the Student Development Division.

During 3 odd years, I was given the widest of opportunity to serve the university to the extend that when I looked back, I still can’t believe it. Heck, most junior officers in the government can only dream of what I was doing. I went all over the Peninsula and almost went to Aceh, Indonesia (the university paid for my passport!).

It was great but alas changes in life will always be sovereign. You can scream, hate it, or laugh at it or even love it; bottom line when it comes, it bulldozed all of your plans, hopes and dreams. Well so much for that. Anyway, as I am lamenting on this, my realplayer is playing "You and I Both". Jason Mraz sang the following :-

And it’s okay if you have go away
Oh just remember the telephone works both ways
And if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I’ll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that’s okay
Cause I’ll remember everything you sang

Cause you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I’m almost finally out of.
I’m finally out of, finally, deedeeededede
well I’m almost finally, finally, finally out of words 

Well UIAM, I wrote something in return…

Was not it just yesterday
When the skies were heavenly blue
The parades of clouds drifted lazily
The wind breezing calmly

Was not it just yesterday
When the moon shone its fullest
The stars sparkled through the night
As the lone traveler sought out his destiny over the horizon

Was not it just yesterday
When our eyes met
As hands shook fast
Thus our brotherhood bloomed

Was not it just yesterday
When a stormed brewed just ahead
Yet we braved it through
Huddled together, wet and cold yet determined

Was not it just yesterday
When we found our treasure
Reserved only for those who believed
During the years of sweat and toil, blood and tears

And still it came; as it has been waiting
It was neither willed nor wanted
By mortals be it human or beast
For parting has never been rejoiced upon

Thus I carry the memories of the years passed
As my burden as well as my bounty
Fret not! Our paths shall crossed yet again
Pray! And God willing, it shall be soon!

Dedicated to the love of my life :
INTERNATIONAL ISLAMIC UNIVERSITY MALAYSIA.